Dealing with Loss
This past April, our beloved Maltese Adonis died at twelve years, no one anticipated this, it suddenly happened. Even our vet was surprised. His health had suddenly begun to decline at an increased speed. He would no longer eat anyone who knows Adonis knows that’s very unusual for him.
So we took him to the vet and discovered he was anaemic, I had no idea what that meant, I did know it was not good. The vet was not too concerned but to play it safe he took additional blood tests and sent it to the lab.
Two days later, Adonis died he just collapsed and went into some form of seizure. We rushed him to the vet and he was later pronounced dead. Both my boyfriend and I were stunned. Horrified and for a longtime I could not help but to blame myself and wonder was this at all preventable? Could I have done something to prevent this? How did I fail him? It was as if my world came crashing down on me and I had lost all will to live. I could not bear to look at his picture without bursting into tears. I screamed and cried for two solid weeks. I even stopped eating because I wanted to end my own existence and just wanted to be with my little Adonis. My boyfriend was afraid to leave me alone so remained by my side and we comforted one another, held each other as we cried and mourned the loss of our beloved Adonis.
We both felt an emptiness inside that was heart-wrenching! Unless you own a pet, you cannot understand how they are more than animals; they are your extended children. You feed them, care for them, train them. They are dependent on you for love and for care.
As week four approached I decided that we could not continue to be in this emotional state of misery and torment. So it was then that I made the calculated decision to buy a puppy, Doug and I drove on May 3rd to Punta Gorda, FL where we picked up a beautiful 4 month now 5 month Maltese, named Zoe. He and I were unable to agree upon a name for her, so we kept her name which in Greek means life.
It also means daughter of God.
She has what I like to call Adonis moments, for there are some things she does that he used to do, like when I call her sometimes, she walks the opposite direction. Or the digging in the couch or bed.
The going under the blankets. The chasing the cats off the couch or off the bed. These are all Adonis moments. Doug and I no longer cry every night we still miss Adonis, but we also feel he is with us in Zoe and she is now my reason for living.
Sometimes life can appear to be unfair, unjust and extremely painful and we don’t always understand why? Until we go through the pain, then the why will eventually reveal itself to us.
April was miserable for me but May brought a blessing with the arrival of Zoe and we had Adonis cremated so he is on our dresser with a tuff of his hair that we sometimes touch and his paw prints and leash. The healing has begun for Doug and me. We even now call Zoe the Baby, which used to Adonis’s nickname.
We all have a purpose, but what we cannot do when we are in pain, is blame ourselves for something that is beyond our control Adonis came to me in a dream, his words were, “Mom it’s not your fault that I died if you would have rushed me at full speed to the hospital I would have still died, you could not prevent it. Get Zoe and sing to her mom, you have a healing voice. I used to sing to Adonis and now I sing to Zoe.
Everything that happens, happens for a reason, if Adonis had lived, his quality of life would have been horrific, with IV tubes and stretched out on a vet table pocked with feeding tubes and blood transfusion. It would have been costly and painful for him. Sometimes it's God being kind when they are spared from that misery.
But it’s never your fault. Our part in this is to provide love, and care for our surrogate kids and to protect them from harm. Some things however are unfortunately out of our control. At least for now.
Also there are some stages in mourning, Stage one: Shock and disbelief Stage two Anger and blame, stage three sadness and grief, stage four rage and tears and stage five acceptance. In order to heal we must experience all these stages, before we can heal. Are you experiencing some form of loss? Do you need someone to talk to, believe me I know how hard it is to lose someone you care about. Not only did I lose my Maltese, I also lost my father. I can relate and I can also help you to receive closure.
I can even connect with them, whether they are animal or human in spirit does not matter, I can still make contact. I hope that this information, will give you some form of peace. Let’s chat soon.